Dear Mr Ampersand: How do I plan the perfect honeymoon?

Dear Mr Ampersand,

My fiancée has given me the job of planning our honeymoon. What helpful tips can you give me?

Yours,
Soon to Be Married, from Shoreditch

First things first: congratulations! You’ve been handed the most sacred of postnuptial duties - one that calls for diplomacy, logistics and a surprising amount of emotional intelligence. Here’s how to do it well.

The Perfect Honeymoon: A grown-up guide for modern couples

Weddings are exhilarating, but they are also utterly exhausting. The lead-up involves months of decision-making, emotional highs and no shortage of drama.

Then comes the day itself: a blur of beauty, joy, attention, logistics, late-night dancing and intense social stimulation And when it’s all over, the couple - once the centre of everything - suddenly find themselves alone in a quiet hotel room, without a speech to give or a next step to plan.

It can be magical. But it can also be a rude shock and unexpected anticlimax.

That’s why the honeymoon requires thought. Not just about where to go, but how to feel. Here’s how to plan a honeymoon that is emotionally intelligent, logistically sound and genuinely enjoyable.

1. Begin with a Soft Start (aka the Minimoon)

Do not, under any circumstances, fly to French Polynesia the next morning.

Before you board a long-haul flight or take on a multi-stop itinerary, consider taking two or three nights somewhere nearby, within a short drive of your wedding venue. This gentle decompression allows you to rest, sleep, eat calmly and start your married life without jet lag or performance pressure.

This isn’t the honeymoon - it’s a buffer. A soft landing. With expectations lowered, intimacy often flourishes. There are fewer grand declarations and lots of naps. Fewer photoshoots and more quiet, contented closeness.

And when the time comes to travel further afield, you’re not trying to recover, you’re ready to enjoy.

2. Don’t Fly Off in a Fog of Fatigue

Flying halfway around the world straight after your wedding may sound glamorous, but in reality, it can feel punishing. Add jet lag and multiple transfers and you’ve got burnout in a prettier location. And although not often discussed, the combination of jet lag and exhaustion kills libido.

Your body clock needs time to settle. Your emotions do, too. A good rule of thumb: begin with comfort. Let the more rugged, remote, or adventurous parts come later. Start slow, build rhythm, then end with a flourish.

3. Expect Mood Swings

No one tells you this, but we will: honeymoons can come with mood swings. After the confetti has fallen and the guests have gone, the sudden quiet can feel almost eerie. What now? The pressure to feel constantly in love, constantly grateful, constantly euphoric - it’s unrealistic.

The truth is, when there’s nothing to do, the pressure can fall entirely on each other. Cue over-analysis, awkward silences, or even a twinge of disappointment. A well-paced honeymoon - neither too idle nor too demanding - helps avoid this. Structure gives shape to the day; activities provide gentle stimulation. You don’t need to perform your relationship. You just need space to be.

4. Spas are Smart!

Start your honeymoon with a few days at a spa. It’s a quietly brilliant solution to the post-wedding comedown, offering the holy trinity of newlywed needs: indulgence, structure and zero effort.

Days unfold with gentle rhythm: a yoga class (you can easily skip), a tailored massage, a walk, a swim, a book, a nap. No need for either of you to take the lead. Some things you’ll do together, others alone. You meet again at mealtimes, comparing notes and swapping stories. It’s shared without being suffocating. Intimate, without intensity.

There’s no need to plan, decide, or perform. Just show up, relax and enjoy. Ironically, it’s in this low-pressure space that passion tends to re-emerge - unforced, relaxed and often better than expected.

5. Be Gently Busy

After months of planning and a mega-stimulating wedding, doing absolutely nothing can feel like going cold turkey. The shift is too abrupt and surprisingly hard to handle. This is why starting at a spa works so well. But if that’s not your thing, a gentle rhythm of indulgent, low-effort activities can work wonders.

Think wellness rituals, guided nature walks, scenic bike rides, wine tastings, or snorkelling in warm, clear water. For those who enjoy a touch more adventure, a morning dive or a paddleboard session can be just the thing - invigorating, yet peaceful.

These offer a sense of easeful purpose without obligation. Just enough structure to avoid the post-wedding crash and just enough pleasure to let you relax into being together without the pressure to dazzle each other on demand.

6. Manage Expectations

Most modern couples have already travelled together if not lived together for several years. Let go of the fantasy that it must be the most romantic or sexually transcendent week of your lives. That’s far too much pressure for a time when you’re tired and adjusting to a massive life shift.

The real goal? To emerge feeling rested, reconnected and maybe a little sun-kissed. The best honeymoons don’t overwhelm, they restore.

7. Time It Right

If your heart is set on a particular destination, plan your wedding accordingly. There’s nothing romantic about a drenched coral island or a heatwave in Venice. Know the best time to go and be realistic about the climate.

Also think about trip structure: the first few days should be restorative. Save the adventure or culture-heavy days for later. You don’t want to be on your third early morning wake-up before you've even unpacked properly.

8. Honeymoon Logic: A Flow That Works

If you’re likely to feel exhausted after the wedding:

- Do a short 'Soft Start' mini-moon.

- Follow later with a longer, more dynamic honeymoon.

If you’re energised and ready to travel:

- Go straight into the honeymoon.

- Keep the first few days light and flexible.

Either way, begin gently. Let the honeymoon unfold, rather than explode.

Final Thought

A honeymoon isn’t a competition, but the best ones make it look effortless. They’re not the flashiest or the most expensive. They don’t try to prove anything. It’s about having fun, enjoying each other and spending cherished time together. And that, surely, is where the real magic begins.

Yours,

Mr Ampersand

Getting married? Know someone who is? Send them our way. Over the past two decades, we’ve planned hundreds of honeymoons, from languorous lagoons to once-in-a-lifetime odysseys and we’ve learned a thing or two along the way. Whether it’s your own honeymoon or your favourite couple’s, point them in our direction. We promise to take the stress out and put the sparkle in.